4688 replies to this topic

[tommie gorman]

   I like that.

[Roco]

tied  to a park tree.by my local council

It read: "Please do not attach or affix any structures or objects to the park furniture and trees and including the benches and lamp posts"

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[mudmanc4]

Duh me

[RyanS]

lmfao.

[tdawnaz]

I'm divorced now...

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel
very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my husband would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
he barely said good morning,
let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought....

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids.... they will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..

So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my handsome Boss Rick, said,
'Good Morning, lady, and by the way
Happy Birthday! '

It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'

I said, 'Thanks, Rick,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day. Let's go!'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go where we normally would go.
He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Rick said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We?'

I responded, 'I guess not.
What do you have in mind?'
He said, 'Let's drop by my place,
it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at his house,
Rick turned to me and said,
If you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
he came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my husband my kids, and dozens of my friends
and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there....

On the couch....

Naked.

[mudmanc4]

Hahaha , Geezus H lmao

[tommie gorman]

I like it momma, thanks.  

[tdawnaz]

thx conuck...you didn't post it so i will...i like it

LAWS ----

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3.Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

6.Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8.Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9.Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10.Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

[Conuck]

Most of them are so true!