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Please press 5 for your calls to dell tec support......


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Thank you for calling Dell's emergency hotline where customer service is our priority. You have entered #5 on your keypad indicating that your computer's battery is on fire. If this is correct, please press 1.


Thank you. We understand that your computer burning madly out of control can cause you some concern and stress. We have found that classical musak can calm the nerves. We'll pause here to listen to 2 minutes worth...

(Whale Song sung by Marlee Matlin plays)

...Hope that makes you feel better. With voice recognition technology you can now speak your answers. At anytime during this message say "house" to indicate that the fire has spread to your house.


I'm sorry I didn't understand. Did you say that you had extinguished the blaze?


I'm sorry I didn't get that. Did you mean to say that your child is being charred before your very eyes? If that is the case tell her to stop, drop, and shop at Dell's website available 24 hours a day."

"House! My House is on Fire!"

You must be speaking in another language. For Spanish say "Espanol" or for Ebonics say, "Bitch, my Crib's on the 4 alarm."

"English! Damn it, English!"

Okay then. Let's review. You computer set fire to your house. Your children are scarred beyond recognition and you want Dell's help.


Excellent, we'd be glad to help you. To ensure to privacy of your account please tell me the name of your first pet.

"I never had one. My wife set up this account."

"I'm sorry I won't be able to dispatch a Fire-truck without authenticating the account first. Please call back when you do have the correct information. We'd like to thank you for choosing Dell for all your computing and bonfire needs.

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Nobody buy from Dell They Have all their factories in the same road as my community and when they change shifts it takes me 30 minutes to go 2 miles to get on the highway thy reuse to upgrade the roads

Thats why i buy from HP there some1 elses traffic problem

So PLZ Dont Buy From dell

Besides there customer support sucks anyway 

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