The Reverend Posted January 15, 2005 CID Share Posted January 15, 2005 This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny. NAME: George Martin SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least, one who'll cooperate). DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday,Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - no. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. SIGN HERE: Sagittarius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resopalrabotnick Posted January 15, 2005 CID Share Posted January 15, 2005 i didn't know they had wally world in costa rica. or was this before you left the states? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Reverend Posted January 15, 2005 Author CID Share Posted January 15, 2005 Before! When we lived next door to Chevy Chase! (only for the movie though)...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VanBuren Posted January 15, 2005 CID Share Posted January 15, 2005 and Chevy Chase ruleZ VanBuren Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MICROWAVE Posted January 15, 2005 CID Share Posted January 15, 2005 I wonder if this guy was on unemployment and had to apply 4jobs? Maybe they were calling where he went to see if he applied, it just is crazy that if he really wanted a job that he thought this would help, unless he was trying humor, but it doesnt say if he got the job or not......hmmm I wonder?? Microwave Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Reverend Posted January 15, 2005 Author CID Share Posted January 15, 2005 Oh yes ...they hired him because he was so funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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