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compuworm

Another Lawyer Joke

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A big city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot a duck off a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Come on admit it how many of us would like to be that farmer??

compuworm

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What is the differance between a rabbit getting hit by a car and a lawyer getting hit by a car???

There are skid marks in front of the rabbit!!

My favorite lawyer joke

not bad, but commonly used in some form or another...

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Birthday Cards from Lawyers; (long winded, but legal)

"By this convenance, the petitioner seeks the furtherance of the state of general amity that has preceded the issuance of this instrument, with the intent thereby of avoiding the diminuation of said relationship; not withstanding the aforementioned, it shall be specifically understood that the party of the first part (herein referred to as the sender) desires to fulfil, to the best of sender

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Birthday Cards from Lawyers; (long winded, but legal)

"By this convenance, the petitioner seeks the furtherance of the state of general amity that has preceded the issuance of this instrument, with the intent thereby of avoiding the diminuation of said relationship; not withstanding the aforementioned, it shall be specifically understood that the party of the first part (herein referred to as the sender) desires to fulfil, to the best of sender

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A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

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good one ~ richcornucopia ~ lol

The senior partner of an law firm died and was at the gate to Heaven.

St. Peter was listing his sins:

1. Overcharging clients

2. Milking trusts and estates

3. Harrassing his secretary and staff

4. Making secret profits on property deals

5. Stabbing other partners in the back etc etc

St Peter asks the lawyer if he has anything to say. His plea in mitigation is empassioned. He admits his transgressions but says " I've been charitable to the poor." St. Peter checks his book - "Yes", he says, "You once gave $2 to a beggar; and here you gave a 50 cents to a homeless man. After a Win in Court, you tipped a waiter an extra $5." "That's right" says the beaming lawyer.

St Peter turns to the Angel on his right and says "All things considered...give him his $7.50 back and tell him to go to hell".

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what are 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea? a good start.

what are you lacking if you have a dozen lawyers in your new foundation stuck in concrete up to their necks?

more concrete.

why don't al aqsa martyr brigade members attack jewish attorneys?

professional courtesy.

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