Jump to content
xs1

CR, IA. 1 Unhappy pizza delivery driver.

Recommended Posts

Here is some friendly advice from your local pizza delivery guy. This is not my career. It is a job while I am finishing college so any rants about me "getting a real job" will just be laughed at.

1. It's fucking cold outside so have your money ready when I show up. I love nothing more than standing outside for a couple minutes while your stupid ass fumbles around looking for your cash. It will take at least 30 minutes from the time you order for your pizza to be delivered. Is it really that hard to have your cash ready ahead of time?

2. Shovel your fucking walk. I know this city is suffering from a severe obesity epidemic. Having spent several years outside the US I am still amazed at what fat asses Americans are. Especially people in Cedar Rapids. Maybe going outside to shovel snow would burn off some calories. Maybe just maybe your tiny dick might get wet when you shower. On an related note, ladies if your stomach sticks out farther than your boobs you shouldn't be eating pizza.....Which brings me to my next point....

3. Pizza is junk food. It isn't healthy. I had to laugh yesterday when I took a phone order from a very angry lady who was upset that we don't offer a low calorie wheat crust. As luck would have it I was the one to deliver her pizza. She looked like the female version of Jabba the Hut. Having a low calorie crust won't help her lose weight. Getting off her fat ass and running around the block would help.

4. When I come to your door don't bitch at me about the prices. First off I really don't give a fuck how much it costs. If it's too expensive take your ETB card over to HyVee and buy a frozen pizza. You could probably buy 4 or 5 for the price of one of our pizzas. Secondly, I'm the delivery driver. Do you really think I have any input in the decision making process of the company?

5. THE DELIVERY CHARGE IS NOT A GRATUITY. The company I work for pockets most of that charge and gives a mere pittance for mileage. At best I can only hope to break even with my mileage pay. I pay for all my vehicle maintenance out of my own pocket. Which brings me to my next point about tipping......

6. Tipping, it isn't a city China. I am providing you a service so your fat ass can stay glued to the couch watching nascar while proceeding to get fatter. If you're going to stiff me don't tell me "thank you" afterwards. It's insincere because obviously don't appreciate my service. If you did, you would have given me a tip. Delivery drivers don't expect to compensated a the same level as a server. 10-15% is a fair tip for pizza. If you order $40 worth of pizza and tip me a dollar you deserved to be punched in the face repeatedly for being a ghetto trash loser. To head the off the angry responses from non tippers I've learned a few truths about your lot over the years......

a. You're probably a broke ass loser who never bothered to do anything with your life. You try to save a few bucks by screwing over service people.

b. 99.9999999999999999999999999999999% don't have a college degree and/or advanced technical training, thus have zero prospects of ever improving your life.

c. You've never worked as a server. delivery driver, barista, restaurant manager etc..........because if you did you know the implicit value of a good service person.

d. You've don't have a passport and have never traveled outside of the US. If you had you would see that US customer service is second to none. Good luck getting good service in Europe, Latin America, Asia, etc......Our tipping culture gives motivation to provide good service. If I was given a flat wage without tips why the fuck would I care if I got your pizza to your house in a reasonable amount of time? Why would I care if it is fresh and hot? Ever wonder why it's so hard to get good service at Burger King, Pancheros, McDonalds, etc....? Because they are making a flat wage. They honestly don't give a fuck if you are a happy customer. Note to the "pay 'em a living wage" crowd. Those increased costs would be reflected in the cost of the product. Most nights I average between $13-15 an hour. Will you still order pizza or go out to eat when the price of everything on the menu has suddenly doubled?

In closing I would like to thank Cedar Rapids. I maintain a 4.0 grade point average. Living here and dealing with the general public provides me with an endless amount of motivation to study hard. The thought of turning into an overweight, ghetto trash, broke ass, uneducated, unhappy trailer park dweller scares the fuck out of me. You motivate me to do something with my life so I don't turn out to be you. For that I thank you.

ref: http://cedarrapids.craigslist.org/rnr/1532037277.html

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well .... he is a product of .....

In this economy he should be happy to have the job. And some of those people he's snipping on some who earned the right to have him deliver it to him. Myself I'd go get the frozen one too, and have him looking for suitable work. And then not owe him a dime, or wonder if he got the order right, got it to me hot, etc...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's something like, you lose 1 inch for every 35 pounds you put on.  :shock:

20 bucks of pizza(2 mediums) is 3 bucks tip. Keeps them happy.  Then again I used to eat and actually can still eat a whole medium by myself(minus the handles around the edge). Just occasionally.

I forget who had that awful cheese in the edge crust pizza years ago.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...