The Reverend

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny. NAME: George Martin SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least, one who'll cooperate). DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday,Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - no. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. SIGN HERE: Sagittarius

A Reverend dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next it's the Reverend's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, Right Reverend of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the clergyman, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom." "Just a minute," says the Reverend. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?" "Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence BMW Bought My Wife BUICK Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips DODGE Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere FIAT Fix It All the Time FORD Fast Only Rolling Downhill GM General Maintenance GMC Gotta Mechanic Coming? HONDA Had One Never Did Again HYUNDAI Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive... MAZDA Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along OLDSMOBILE Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment SAAB Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown TOYOTA Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto VOLVO Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object VW Virtually Worthless

O M G !!!!!!!

On one of my jumps the damn cords 'ripped' early and got hung on the tail. They had to take me in low over water then I had to release my pack. OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH ....Water is like concrete when you are doing over 70km/h !!!!! I felt like a skipping rock for about a full minute before one leg "dug' in. Couldn't walk for nearly a month but I could stand on the floor and put one leg flatfooted on the overhead! LOL "The Rev" *That poor jumper slamming the vehicle is the perfect ending. NEVER GIVE PARACHUTES TO FOLKS LIKE THAT! lol..... That movie is military property and not for public dissemination ...wonder how he/she managed to get their hands onto it?

That' right Microwave. His full name is Irfan Ziljan, he's a good friend from years ago, and he's darn near a genious (but needs to eat too so he lives on the donations he gets for his fine work! I have every last version from Day One "beta" of his stuff .....and none of them are bad! This latest one is a knockout though! Cheers! "The Rev"

And this one was step two at resolving the issue of not being able to access https websites using ANY browser with DirecWay: ================================================== http://bugzilla.mozilla.org <---is a place to check (after making an account) for help with your Mozilla Firefox --------------------------------------- Now, as for IE6, there are a number of things (and there are a # of problems at NOC that could be causing your problem, so we are in a guessing game. Here are a few things to try that have worked for SOME users in the past. Try one at a time and if it does't work, dump it, then try the next one ....ready, set, oh god....heheh.... You remember that "Exceptions" box deep inside the browser after you click on the Advanced button? Try putting a :https (that's semicolon used for a separator). Just Okay your way back out then give it a try (or close then launch browser again to be sure). That MIGHT work. If not, ditch it.... add this in that Exceptions box instead, start with a semicolon first and remember NO spaces! ;192.115.106.236:8080 this is slow but may work for you Didn't work? ...try this: instead of having it say 192.168.0.1 on Port 87 at the top of that window. Put in 66.250.69.2 Port 81 (prolly won't even log in but worth a shot) If a no-go, put it back to 192.168.0.1 Port 87 (you can try Port 85 or 86 as well) I used 85 for a month with no troubles then it just quit! I dunno ...I just work here! lol..... Still trying? ...okay: In the exceptions box try this instead direcwaysupport.com;192.168.0.1;https (I have a feeling this one just might fly ....try it first)!! If not, return it to as it was before: direcwaysupport.com;192.168.0.* <-----you MAY want to try putting a semicolon there followed by https then Okay your way back out! Maaaaybe! This may do it too! Under the 192.168.0.1 on Port 87 there is a 'box' named "Secure". Try putting the following in there: 192.115.106.236:8080 PLUS put this in your Exceptions box at the same time: direcwaysupport.com;192.168.0.1;https <------------this is another "good bet" .... In most of the above you will be directing your traffic through a Server in Israel (if it works), so you may wish to question if you want to use it for obvious reasons? ------------------------------------------------------------------------- If none of these puppies work, then it just isn't anything in your system. I would call Tech Support back, grab a beer for the wait, and make them earn their money. The problem isn't in your modem or computer ....it HAS to be in your account, so just insist upon having your account reset because you have tried everything else. You can go ahead and tell them that Level III said to have them do the reset from their end because they are swamped. (I forgot to ask for a Ticket #)! No biggie though ...you might trying mentioning my name (The Reverend @ www.testmy.net) and maybe you'll get lucky and the tech will know me ...50% of them do ..give or take. Beyond that, there just isn't any other data available at this hour .....except that you are not alone and this problem only started a few days ago. SO....I have one last ditch effort you are welcome to use if it is a matter of doing your personal online banking and you NEED maximum security. I have an account (lifetime) at http://proxify.net . If none-of-the-above- works for you, I'll send you my Username/Password for that account so that you can use it to override the security and thus be able to conduct your business, then I'll change the account password after you have completed your transactions. Don't worry as I have no way to access anything that you do (and I wouldn't remotely considering such a thing as that anyway) ...just trying to find a solution to the impossible! LOL...I believe that will work if all else fails.... I'll be awake for another few hours, so plow through what little I have supplied (skip the mozilla part for now) then get back to me if nothing works. The Proxify will allow you into your https site because it hides all your browser info ....so everything works perfectly. You may wish to sign up for your own as it's far better than surfing with no protection! But you'll get a hit at a test drive first if ya need it. lol... Cheers! The Reverend

Hi Reverend, Thanks for all your time and tips. I tried them all and nothing worked. Got any more ideas? I really appreciate the help. Thank you, wgpjr (3rdrock) -------- Original Message -------- Subject: [sPAM] sorry so late! From: "The Reverend (El Pastor)" <[email protected]> Date: Fri, January 14, 2005 5:38 pm To: [email protected] Hi Gene, Sorry so late but it's busy on the forum! Assuming you are using an IE browser, click on Tools, Internet Options, Connections, then "check" the two Proxy boxes, click on the Advanced 'button', then in the lower section (Exceptions) ..enter this: DirecWaysupport.com;192.168.0.* If that doesn't work try adding a semicolon and https to it: direcwaysupport.com;192.168.0.*;https (or .1;https) one of the two might work! ((((If you have a Router too, add a semicolon plus the 192.168.0.? number to your router to that so that you can access it from your browser (works really good for folks using Dlink))))). Above, it should say 192.168.0.1 on Port 87 (IF you are using a DW6000). Anything else is wrong!! Now click on OK. LEAVE THE PROXYS 'checked if you are using a DW6000 - - otherwise uncheck them again

That's two in favor of 'resopalrabotnicks' brainstorm.... any 'counters' yet? I'm all for the most efficient use of the hardware, and out the door with the useless data. And, it could be easily automated thus not increase your workload.

Remember you are dealing with NTFS .... all new rules!

I think that once you have compressed them that the drive is forever in a compressed format (unless you trash it, reformat it, then reload it all over again). However, I know a 'guru' and I'll give him a call. Give me a few minutes and I'll be back with the "bottom line" for an answer on that one. "The Rev" *Still, it really doesn't matter that you can't access that part of the Indexing, because you have disabled it. Now the usual defrag will "do it's thing" and make things better in a matter of days. Still, let me call "the man" and find out.... brb!

Now there you go, that's one that I could live with and that would work for all concerned. Best idea yet! Very nice resopalrabotnick!

Yes, yet once you factor in the growth rate of this site, long-term storage of old scores is secondary to the theme of the website, and with the constant influx of new members it soon reaches the degree of being wasted space and thus detrimental.

Showing on the Forum is the whole idea rlh24!!! That way everyone can benefit from reading about how everybody else is being affected by DirecWay ...what works and what doesn't, what stays the same and what changes. ETC! If you just look over everything that is posted on the first page of this forum, you'll find ALL the stuff to try in order to get the fastest speed possible, or I will talk you through it one step at a time .....your choice! "The Rev" First, you need to get into your IE6 browser. clean out the caches, delete all cookies, then either post back or start reading! LOL

30 days is more than adequate isn't it? They aren't referenced all that often so why waste the GiGs? The Reverend

Say rlh24, Have you tried the same test using IE6? (Setup in the ways I have been posting this past week)? I called NOC and you should be getting nearly 1,000 or perhaps better ....and it is well known that IE6 will beat Firefox when using DWay ...."hands down." Lemme know as I will be up as long as I can hold on! LOL "The Rev"

There ya go....that almost exactly where I am sitting at the moment ..upload is 12!

His name is Irfan Ziljan, is a good friend of mine, and is just short of being a genious. He believes that everything on the web should be free ...but the man is gotta eat too! He accepts donations of course and makes a decent living with that programme considering the number of folks that use it everyday! "The Rev"

I got ahold of a 'faked' copy of Reget and it took my software several hours to get rid of all the crap that was very ingeniously hidden within it. Not one scan with everything I have detected a single thing! Geesh! All that money and for what? lol..... "The Reverend"

Yes, these apply for SP1 or SP2 ....although there are a few differences, but you will notice them as you progress down through the list easily enough. Cheers! The Reverend

Intel has a production plant here in Costa Rica and you can pick up CPUs for pennies on the dollar! They also crank out some of the high-end boards too ...which is one of the biggeset reasons why I am running the MB and CPUs that I do. Can't beat the prices! Cheers! "The Rev"

If that was just taken in the last 30 minutes, no ...I don't think you can assuming you have applied all the other tweaks that I have been laying on everyone. In fact, I can't get over 400Kbps at the moment, so you are looking good to me! LOL! You may want to try the LARGEST test though.... that will give you the most accurate speed result. You may be "bursting" with the little file you see? Cheers! The Reverend *Horizons 1 will be gaining speed steadily ....starting sometime this weekend as they get the kinks worked out of their last screwup. Satellites are very fussy, and apparently they hate DirecWay.

Ut oh! That's right! If you have compressed your drive(s) then like the man says it is not going to show that option, because it is stuck in there ...no worries though, you can still turn it off and save your resources because the HDD will just allow the defragger to move the files around in a different (and more efficient) manner! Thanks for that tip there NoShow! I appreciate it very much (never crossed my mind in the least because I never compress anything except when I am e-mailing files! Cheers! "The Rev"

Sent you an e-mail, but if you don't get it I think you need to logout completely and completely clean out your system cache, internet files, cookies, dang ....everything you can including a reboot. Something is stuck for you to be getting that as there are no probs on this end anywhere..... Good Luck! The Reverend